I Wouldn't Trade It...

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young.
Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him...

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. "

-Lamentations 3:22-28, 32-33

I have so much to say, but I have no idea where to start. As I look back over the past 5 weeks, and I'm sure as you read over the past 5 weeks, I can say that they have been the worst and best 5 weeks of my life. I have never experienced pain as I experienced, and still do to some degree, but I also have never experienced God as I have been lately. I have witnessed so many amazing things in which I have seen God's hand so clearly play a part. I experienced first hand just this past week how loud God's voice can actually get when He needs you to obey immediately, and why His timing is always perfect. I cried tears of joy for the first time in a long time this past week when He allowed me to see a glimpse of His timing at work as He confirmed and affirmed my obedience to Him. I started my Bible study with the crew girls this past week and it was amazing. We are reading Becoming a Woman of Excellence by Cynthia Heald, and I can already tell that God has some amazing things in store for us through this study. I love the girls so much, and I love the insight they are able to provide on what we are studying; and it is amazing to see how God is and will be working in their lives as well. So, once again, thinking back over the past 5 weeks, even though there were times I wished God would take me away from this world, if I were given the choice to go back....I would choose to do it all over again; I wouldn't trade it for anything. I desire to spend time with God every minute of each day because He has brought me so incredibly close to Him and His heart through all this. Words just can't describe how He has changed my heart. NO, I would never trade the love I have been feeling from God and for Him for the absence of the pain of a shattered heart. I still have so much growing to do and so many things to work on...I know this period is not in any way over, and I'm certain it never will be because I want to continue growing closer to Him in the dramatic way that I have been throughout these past 5 weeks. God is so good! Before I end this post, I just want to say that Matthew and I finally talked last night face to face....a real talk. The things that were said are positive things and they shed a different light on things, but I am choosing to remain cautiously optimistic. Simply said, God showed me a glimpse of a light at the end of the tunnel. But, that's just it....a light at the END of the tunnel; I'm not going to let myself rush through the tunnel to get to the light. I'm certain God will bring me there when He believes I'm ready, but in the meantime, I will consider to pursue Him as I have been, as if nothing has changed...

"because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:3-4