So, I had decided that one of my new year's resolutions would be to do a significantly better job of keeping up with my blog.....Didn't you hear the latest news? Today is the NEW New Year's Day! That's right. January 18 now marks the first day of the year 2009 (well, for me at least)!
I actually have really wanted to update my blog so many times since my last post, but my life has been a whirlwind since then. I kept on trying to make it a point to journal the newest thing God had taught me, my latest stories, or my most recent epiphany, but I always got caught up in something and never got around to it. Then, I had shoulder surgery, and well, typing was out of the picture. But now, thanks to everyone's prayers, I'm healing well and I'm counting down the days when I can hit the pavement (or trails) running and get back in the water, hopefully pain-free!
As I look back over this past year, I realize that this has been the single, most impactful year of my entire being. It's funny, when I reread my very first blog entry (which was around this time last year), it hit me that those first few entries marked the beginning of the year that only God knew would forever change me. One minute I had my whole life planned out and I couldn't have been happier; the next minute, I found myself standing in the middle of my upside down world attempting to pick up the pieces of my broken heart (a little melodramatic, I know; I've been reading the flowery writing of the Twilight series); but that's what it felt like. Then, in the short span of 5 months, my faith grew immensely and God lead me to Africa where He reiterated the fact that HIS PLAN IS WHAT IS BEST FOR ME (Jeremiah 29:11). And then, after 3 months of fully surrendering to Him and successfully existing outside of my comfort zone, I ended up here in Charlotte, NC, coaching age-group swimmers.
After I moved here, I figured that since I had faithfully endured 8 months of back-to-back life altering experiences, God would give me a little breather.....no sir! I am like a rubberband in God's hands: He stretched and stretched and stretched me until, to me, it felt like I could snap any second, but to Him, my weakest times are His chances to teach me the most. So, not long after I moved in with the family that so graciously took me in as one of their own, and began my full-time job, I started feeling the ill effects of the transition from college to "the real world." Unfortunately, no one really tells you what to expect during this transition phase of life, and I have a theory as to why that is: I think everyone I know that has experienced this period of their life had to enter into it with no knowledge of what it would be like either. So, since no one told them the struggles they would have to face, they feel like everyone after them should have to endure it with their blinders on as well. I think it's almost like a rite of passage or a fraternity initiation - you're not a true "brother" until you pass the entrance test into this "real world." Then, when you whine about how much you miss college (especially the breaks) to your co-workers, they say, "Welcome to the Real World," and give you a congratulatory pat on the back like you should be proud of it or something. I have been told that once or twice, but I don't really consider myself part of the real world yet because I still feel, look, and most of the time, act, like a kid. I actually have a story to confirm this fact: When we were having individual and team pictures made with SWIMMAC (the team I coach), all of us coaches had to get individual pictures made for our online bios. Well, a few weeks later at a staff meeting, we were given complimentary luggage tags with our individual pictures on the back of them (ahh, the perks of being a coach). As the last one was handed out, I realized I was the only one who didn't get one. So, I asked politely what had happened to mine. The photographer looked at me kind of funny and she said, "Well, my goodness; I thought you were one of the swimmers, so I threw your bag tag in the pile to be distributed to the kids..." Oh, that was simply hilarious. Let me tell you...
Unfortunately, I am still going through initiation into the real world, and I just pray each day that it will get easier. Despite that ongoing process, there have been many other adult things my eyes have been opened to in the past few months: I haven't been home since I moved here; I live on my own and I pay my own bills (my first rent bill was the scariest thing I've seen on paper since the Living Will I signed before I left for Africa); I had to stay strong and be a 'big sister' to the 3 kids who were like family to me when their oldest brother died in a tragic car accident over Thanksgiving; I had to allow myself to cry after I had held it in for over 2 months (to this day, I'm not quite sure why I couldn't cry); my relationship with my sister is the strongest I every dreamed it could be; I have questioned time and again if this is really where God wants me; I have stumbled in my walk with God and doubted His plans one day, but woke up the next day to an unquenchable thirst to dive deeper into His Word and to seek His heart more sincerely.
I have been through a lot in the few short months since I moved here, and I know there is much more to come. Some days are much harder than others, but I'm trusting in God's unfailing love and mercy as He reveals His plan for my life in the days, weeks, and months to come, and for my future...
Happy New Year! From now on (at least for this year), it is my resolution to update my blog more frequently....we'll see how that goes. Oh, and because Greg told me to say this....
GO STEELERS! BRING IT ON SUPERBOWL!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
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