Rolling Emotions

Today was one of those days. You know, the ones where your feelings are up one minute and down the next like a roller coaster; the ones where you drink too much coffee and you're energized and alert one minute, and then the caffeine wears off (which is the next minute for me) causing you to crash drastically. I had a pretty good weekend all around. Matthew and I drove to Grove yesterday morning because he had 3 India appointments with some of his parents' friends. It was good to get off campus, even though we have only been here a week now. Initially, I just went with Matthew to keep him company in the car and I was just going to hang out with his parents while he went to his appointments. However, on trip there, he asked me if I would mind going with him to his appointments. I was a little surprised because I was unsure of the point of me accompanying him. I thought it would be weird for me to just sit there while he talked and gave his presentation, but I went anyway. And, actually, he told me that he felt more comfortable with me being there since he didn't know the people he was meeting with that well. That made me feel very special, so I didn't really care if it was weird. We visited 3 different, very nice couples, and Matthew did an outstanding job of sharing his passion for reaching the lost and why he chose India specifically. I was so proud of him for stepping a little out of his comfort zone and being able to convey all the important details so thoroughly! If he was the least bit nervous, you couldn't tell; well, except for the blotches on his neck that creeped up as he got to the part of the presentation where he would ask them for money. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that ever noticed the blotchiness, though, because I knew when to expect it. I'm not making fun of it because I think it's kind of cute. Anyway, I am so thankful and honored that he asked me to tag along for his appointments. It wasn't weird at all, and I enjoyed meeting everyone. I think it also helped me get more and more adjusted to the idea of him leaving, and I was able to share in his passion just listening to him. So, I've become really pumped and excited for Matthew going to India! It was an answer to my prayers because ever since I found out I couldn't go to India, my sadness about him going without me had overshadowed the passion I had once had for mission work in India, but God worked on my heart during those 3 appointments allowing me to break past the grief barrier and once again regain my passion and excitement for Matthew and the India team.
So, we spent the night in Grove and came back to Tulsa today. As I said earlier, my emotions were all over the place today. I feel like Matthew and I haven't spent 'quality' time together in a while. Now, I realize we have been together...obviously, I went to Grove with him, but anytime we're together and we're both constantly thinking about raising support(Matthew-India, Me-Ghana) then we're not focused on just each other. We can spend a whole day together (which hardly ever happens) and be doing this and that, both focused on all the things we have on our plates, and I don't consider that 'quality' time. To me, an hour together where we put aside all other thoughts that aren't about each other is more special than spending an entire day just doing our own thing side-by-side. I don't think he really grasps this concept. We try to take a little time out of our busy schedules each day for each other, but most of the time I don't even feel like we've been together because we were both so focused on the next thing we have to do. It makes me so sad because I want this semester to be so special for both of us since we'll be apart for 13 months. We have roughly 4 months left until I leave for Ghana and he leaves for India, and I want to make the best of those few months. Sometimes, I feel like it's not important to him, which makes me feel unimportant, but it means something to me. We are at such a strange place in our relationship right now, and it doesn't help that we have reached a huge transition period in our life at the same time. I just keep praying it gets better. I want spending time together before he leaves to be so important to Matthew, because I can't get past my irrational fear that he's going to forget about me while he's in India.....