Praying for the Confidence to be a Godly Leader

I have been feeling a little discouraged lately because the confidence I had in the fact that God was molding me into a Godly leader has been shaken. I know God placed me in my current work environment because the majority of my co-workers are searching for something more. I'm not referring to a better job, even though a few are searching for that too; I'm talking about an inherent happiness and a belief in something(someone) greater. Unfortunately, I have never been in an environment where I have felt so discouraged and unsure of my ability to share my Faith. I have been here with SWIMMAC for almost two years, I'm about to move away, and I don't feel like I've come anywhere close to fulfilling the purpose God had for bringing me here.

Four years ago if you had asked me if I felt like God had chosen me to fulfill His purpose of Godly leadership, I would have laughed nervously and solemnly declared that I was incapable of being molded into a Godly leader because of all the mistakes I had made and the countless times I had strayed from the path I was supposed to be following in my walk with God. However, near the end of my junior year of college, God was bound and determined to reveal His plans of reshaping my identity. It all started with the huge leap of faith I took when I told my rowing coach I was quitting because I wanted to focus on my relationship with God, and he informed me I would have to stand in front of the team and explain my reasoning to 45 college girls. I was literally "shaking in my boots" as I told my crew team that I was giving up rowing to grow closer to my Savior. Despite my immense fear and anxiety, God was right beside me during that process, and He held my hand for the next year and a half as He lead me through experience after experience where my faith and trust in Him were tested to the max. It was during this time that He was molding me into a Godly leader, but I kicked and screamed through the process because I was convinced there had to be some other person who was more qualified for the job. After all, I had recently spent an entire year of college rebelling against my almost non-existent faith because I had no idea who I was. Why in the world would God choose me after such a drastic rebellion? Of course, He answered that it was for that very reason He had chosen me.

My last year and a half of college, God placed me in situations where I began to gain the confidence and knowledge of what it means to be a Godly leader. Despite the peace He was trying to give me to assure me I was on the right track, I continued to question my ability to thrive in a summer-long discipleship program, but He lead me through that summer in Breckenridge and taught me how to share my faith on campus and lead a small group Bible study; I questioned my ability to start a Bible study for the girls on the crew team I was no longer a part of, but I did and He revealed Himself in a new way to each girl in that group; I questioned my ability to co-lead a group of 13 college students on a 3-month mission trip to Africa, but His hedge of protection encompassed us and countless Africans were introduced to His love while we were there; I didn't think I was ready to move to a place where I knew no one and live on my own, but God knew this was the next big step I needed to take in order to become a stronger person; I was convinced it wasn't the right timing for me to start a Bible study for the 11-12 year old girls I coach because my faith had been stagnant for several months, but I currently study the Word every Sunday afternoon with 14 of the 16 girls I coach. Who knew it could take something as simple as the faith of a 12-year-old to help me get back on track in my walk? God knew.

The reason I'm sharing all this is because I think a lot of us, as Believers, have trouble allowing God to mold us into His leaders because we are convinced there is someone out there who is more qualified for the position. I have caught myself questioning why God didn't want to pick the more qualified ministers, missionaries, Sunday school teachers, etc. for the leadership role He was asking me to fulfill. Now, if you think about it, that is a ridiculously dumb question; how do you think those ministers, missionaries, Sunday school teachers, etc. got into those positions of Godly leadership? Ultimately, they put their trust and confidence in Christ and believed He could mold them into leaders. I think we allow the fear of failure and the possibility of defeat creep in and fuel our disbelief in the abilities God has given us. I'll be the first to admit that as much as I try to fully place my trust in God, I still have trouble handing over complete control of my life to give Him free reign. Unfortunately, I always seem to forget that the only times I have experienced failure have been the times I controlled the outcome instead of allowing God to. What can we do to allow ourselves to become completely vulnerable to God's will and build confidence in the abilities He has given us?

To give you another example other than myself (and, I'm totally going out on a limb here because I know Adam's going to read this), let me share with you a little about my boyfriend...I want to preface what I'm going to say by reminding you that I believe God creates leaders by placing them in leadership roles without their knowledge. If you aren't aware that God has given you leadership capabilities, how can you strengthen them and gain confidence? The hardest part comes when you realize you've been placed into a position of leadership, and you have to make a choice: Utilize your Spiritual Gifts of leadership and lead by your trust in Him, or back down from the position because you allowed fear to creep in. Ok, back to Adam...I fully believe that God has amazing plans for him. Currently (and he may not realize this), God has placed him in several leadership roles: He's in his last year at the Naval Academy and has been accepted to Navy Flight School, he is the fastest swimmer on the Navy Men's Swim team (as a matter of fact, his coach's son wants to change his name to "Adam Meyer" when he grows up), he has competed in the Olympic Trials and World Champ Trials, he is currently ranked nationally in the Top 10 in his best events for collegiate swimming, he is the oldest of 4 kids, and if you ask anyone who knows Adam what they think of him, I'm certain they would express the great respect and admiration they have for him. I would say the same, plus more! I think Adam is one of those quiet leaders whom God has chosen to lead mostly by actions, not necessarily words. I don't think he is aware of how many lives he has touched through the positions in which God has placed him, and without knowing God has given you the ability to be a Spiritual leader, you can't gain the confidence you need to become one. There have been a handful of people God has placed in my life who helped me believe in the leadership abilities I had been given. If it had not been for those people and the power of prayer, the still-growing confidence I have in the gifts God has given me might be non-existent.

If God has put you in a leadership position and you're like me, you have trouble believing He has chosen the right person, pray for confidence and pray for God to bring someone in your life at just the right time to provide encouragement and open your eyes to the role that has been bestowed upon you.

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8