Monday, April 6, 2009

Thank you God for teaching me lessons, despite my stubbornness

Wow! So, I'm really bad about this whole blog thing. I wish I made it a priority, especially during this time in my life because I'm growing so much, and God is teaching me far more than I ever thought possible. I think what I need to do is just put post-it notes everywhere to remind me to post on my blog every other day or so. It's not that I don't have anything to write about; I actually think I have too much to write about, and I have a hard time deciding what should be captured and recorded through writing and what just needs to stay deep in my personal thoughts. When I make the decision to actually sit down and type, I get too overwhelmed with what's going through my head, that I give up. It's a vicious cycle. Well, I'm going to write several posts because I know some things I want to write for sure, but I don't want to make one massive entry. So, I'll put it into several smaller ones. OK, here is one thing God has shown me in the last couple of months that needs to be written down so I don't ever forget it.

Due to the coercion of a couple of my friends, I have gone on a few dates since I moved here. It was fun to see and eat at different, new places around Charlotte, and I enjoyed getting to know the guys, but I have decided that when you reach your mid-twenties and you go on dates with guys around your age or older, the majority of them just try too hard. I just want to have fun and socialize; don't go ridiculously far out of your way to impress me, please - just be yourself! Here's an example to illustrate what I'm talking about; and, the reason I'm telling this story is because God taught me a very profound lesson through this guy. So, my friends introduced me to a guy who was a little older than I, and after a brief period of time, he asked me out to dinner. I figured it couldn't hurt, so I agreed. Everyday leading up to the night we went to dinner, he either called me or texted me to ask me how my day had gone and never failed to end the conversation by saying that he wished our date was that night; not 4 nights from then, or 3 nights, or 2 nights, etc. I didn't think that was that big of a deal; I just figured he was a very forward guy. So, the night comes, we go to dinner, and without going into too much detail, I enjoyed it but I knew I wasn't interested. So, the next day, he calls me and asks if I would like to go on a 2nd date...I told him I would be interested in hanging out as friends (honestly, he would have been a great friend and I was all for that) and he said OK. Well, I guess OK, didn't mean he got the picture. He kept calling and texting me. And, I don't mean once a day; I mean several times a day. It got to the point where I got too "busy" with work to do anything, and then I just flat out had to ignore him. Even, then, he didn't get the hint. I was at a loss; I didn't want to be mean, but I didn't know what else to do. My mom was visiting me during this time, and I remember asking her in frustration why he wouldn't leave me alone because he was truly annoying me. Well, she laughed at me and said, "Oh, I think this is great!" WHAT???!!! I couldn't believe it! I was so confused with her response. She said, "I think this is the perfect situation for you. God put this guy in your life to show and teach you something...." I wondered what in the world could this clingy guy possibly be revealing to me? Then she told me, and I realized she was exactly right. At one point in my recent past, I had been exactly like that guy: I was dependent, clingy, and unwaveringly anxious with the fear of losing the person God had blessed me with, and I pushed the person away, just like this guy freaked the hec out of me. Now, I know the situations aren't exactly the same but there's a good parallel between the two, and God opened my eyes so I won't make that mistake ever again! To end the story, the guy finally quit talking to me. I am a little bummed because I was interested in making a new friend, but that just goes to show that you can't become good friends with members of the opposite sex, espeically if there's one-sided attraction.

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